The Healing Continues

On Tuesday, things got bad. I don't know what happened. I started my job on Tuesday, and I really like it. But as I was leaving work, something happened. I started crying uncontrollably. By the time I got back to my apartment, I was unable to breathe, and I was shaking. I've been trying to trace my thought processes to see if there was some thought that I was thinking that caused this episode, but there was nothing. I was distracted for a little while by my work, and then the bottom fell out.

Tuesday was probably the worst incident I've ever had with depression. I couldn't stop crying the entire day, and the worst thing was that there was no reason for it. There was nothing to fix to make it better. My roommate was an angel, and she also understands this illness because she's had it too. She's had the same symptoms that I was having, and the one thing she said that comforted me most was reminding me to remember that this will not last forever. God will restore me in His time.

I also called my doctor back in Ruston who has been with me on this six year journey, and he got back in touch with me almost immediately. He understands this illness and knows how painful it is. He prescribed a new type of medicine to go along with what I'm already taking, and so far it has helped some.

I also called my New Orleans doctor who informed me that my test results were perfect, so there was no problem to be fixed with that. While I was on the phone with both of my doctors, I was still crying. They all reminded me that I will get better, but it may take some time. You don't heal from depression overnight. Though it has been over a month since my symptoms got severe.

Mom called me on Tuesday night, and I tried to keep from crying for as long as I could because I didn't want her to worry, but as soon as she asked "How are you?" I was back in my crying spell again. I told her about what the doctors had said, and I kept telling her I would be Ok. Parents tend not to believe that, though, when you're sobbing uncontrollably. So my Mom drove down, and stayed with me from Wednesday through Sunday. Even though I know that I would have been fine, it was a wonderful gift to have her with me.

I've prayed for God to take this away. It is like a thorn in the flesh that will not come out. But God is still in the process of healing. I've seen his mercies everyday renewed just as he promises. He is giving me the strength for the day, and I depend on Him so much. My heart overflows with love and gratefulness to Him because He truly is the only one who can get me through these times. He has provided amazing friends and family who are able to be his hands and feet in comforting me. This morning at church, I was overwhelmed with how great our God is. Just as the song goes that we sang this morning, "When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say, Blessed be the Name of the Lord."