We serve a great God

Our God is amazing in the way that he works, but he also works through pain. I've been going through some rocky times lately that have been extremely humbling. God is dealing with me in some areas of pride and fear that I have kept hidden in my life, and as he's been revealing those strongholds to me, I haven't liked what I've been seeing.

On the pride issue, first. For so long, I've said that I would do whatever it takes to serve God. I would go anywhere and live in the Amazon rainforest with the naked people (I, myself, would not be naked though), and I would just do amazing things for God's glory. Though my intentions were good, my heart wasn't. You see, it was about me. I would do great things for God, and I would bring Him Glory, when all along, he's just telling me to wait, listen, and obey. I've always said that I would sacrifice anything for God, but he wants obedience more. That's one of the themes all through the Bible: Obedience is better than sacrifice. Sacrifice sometimes puts the focus onto the giver, and sometimes God gives us things that he doesn't want us to sacrifice. But when we obey - when we listen to his voice and sacrifice when he says to sacrifice and worship Him either way - He gets the glory, and we get to revel in the Glory of God knowing that we had absolutely no part in it but to follow the amazing leadership of the one who guides us in His perfect way.

This is only one aspect of pride that I have been dealing with lately, but it's probably the strongest. I have that tendency to want to look good for others and to impress them and I like to be respected and admired. But God says "Look to me" and nothing else matters. When God speaks, everything else fades in comparison.

Fear is another stronghold that has given the enemy a foothold in my life. I have allowed fear to conquer me for too long. These are fears of rejection, fears of failure - which goes along with the pride issue. I used to believe that if I never went overseas as a missionary, I would be a failure in my life. But I find that God is a great God, and as long as He can use me for His glory in some way- that is the only success that I need.

Other fears include fear of sickness, fear of never getting married, fear of getting married (odd how you can be afraid of both though I think the prior one was a stronger fear), fears of financial insecurity and so on. These fears have been prevalent in my life, but today I chose to reject them knowing that God has promised to meet all my needs in His glorious time. His will is perfect, and though I will probably continue to struggle with these things, it is a daily reminder that He is in control, and He is our provider. He loves His children, and He does what is best for them.

I wrestled with these things throughout the weekend. The enemy has tried to use these things to overpower me and make me believe lies about myself and God. But as I reaffirm my validity and worth in God's sight, I'm reminded of just how much He loves me. I have been limiting God in my narrow sighted view of just being willing to serve Him in "the uttermost parts" when He says "Live for me now."

I am praying now that God will allow me to be a missionary for Him in New Orleans. That has been my prayer since moving here, but it means so much more to me now. My future now seems wide open to possibilities. I don't know what God is going to do, and I have the tendency to fear the future also, but He is in control, and our God is gloriously, awesomely, amazingly working out His Glory in this world.