The Beauty of Life: A Bittersweet Thanksgiving

Baby Kersey

My baby cousin Kersey was born on Tuesday November 22 at 24 weeks weighing 1 lb. 3 oz.  On Thanksgiving Day, I had the privilege of going back into the NICU with my sister, aunt, and cousin and meeting Kersey for the first and only time. A glory moment. As I gathered with my family on that day and then seeing Kersey's tiny frame, I was overwhelmed by the incredible gift that life really is and the shortness of our time in living it.

Kersey passed away last night after not even six days of life. And it's so tempting to look up to heaven and ask Why? When I got the call at midnight last night, I went into my living room and opened up the Word of God to listen to Him speak, remembering that His ways are so much higher than our own. No tangible answers, but these are the things He showed me in those quiet moments.

Her back, size comparison with the syringe in front

Psalm 139:16 "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." When I saw baby Kersey in the NICU and the fight that she gave along with so many others including her mother that she might live, I was in awe. Life is valuable and precious. Kersey's life was valuable and purpose-filled. The days that were formed for her and ordained for her by God only numbered a few, but they were a priceless gift from God. Though she passed on, the value placed on her life is unmeasured because she bore the spark of the divine. She was created and fashioned in the image of God. And her life meant something.


Psalm 31:14-15 "But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hand;"  Life is something over which I have no control, but my times are in the hands of a good and loving God. And as much as it hurts me that I am not with my family right now in this time of grief, Comforter is one of the names by which we know God. Not only that but Healer and Restorer of broken hearts. Sometimes, we think it would have been easier if we had never had to go through the pain. But times like these are what makes for an abundant life. Having Kersey with us and the joy and pain that she brought with her life only point to the deeper love of the Father and trusting in his all-encompassing purposes in the midst of the pain. We only see in part. He knows in full, and His plan has a deeper purpose than what we now see. And it is good. Because He is good and He is love.

Matthew 18. "At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, 'Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, 'Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me... See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven...So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish."

God is in the business of caring for and honoring those who are unable to care for themselves. His call is for the humble, the needy, those who cannot speak for themselves, and Jesus had a special place for children. Kersey's mother, my cousin Julie, was on bed rest for 5 weeks to allow Kersey 5 full days of life after birth. I believe the sacrifice was more than worth it. And the picture it shows me is that of a man who gave up the comforts of his heavenly dwelling and followed the hard road that he could die on a cross. He didn't have to-- there's nothing in us that should really make Him want to...we contribute nothing in our helplessness-- but He did. He suffered and died and overcame...That He could give us life. The gift of life is beautiful, no matter how long or short.

The bitter sweetness of thanksgiving. I am thankful for the family I have. The craziness that we are and the love we share: these people are valuable to me. I am thankful for the time we had with her.

For the time that she was here, she made a difference in my life. And we will remember her for the rest of ours. This side of Heaven, we may never know why. But I trust the One who does. All things come to an end, and seasons come and go, but there is One who remains, and we await the day when He will wipe away the tears from our eyes.

Reflections on 1 Timothy 2:11-12

Ooh. The hard part. "Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather she is to remain quiet." (1 Timothy 2:11-12).

First of all, Paul is speaking to Timothy in the context of a church setting. While I believe that a woman's attitude in her general life should model what she is commanded in the church, the context here is the church. However, there are definitely some principles that are applicable to all of life.

Also, the one imperative in this group of verses is that a woman should learn. It's a third person imperative in the Greek, so it carries a strong force with it. And again, this was counter-cultural for the day. It was not wrong for women to learn. That's good news for a gal pursuing a PhD in New Testament!

But, the manner in which we learn as women is important: "quietly with all submissiveness." Quiet does not mean silent. The Greek word here is an unusual word hesuchios which means "quiet or still" It refers to an inner attitude of quiet and calmness in which you don't react to what someone is saying. It comes from a combination of two words that mean "keeping one's seat" and undisturbed or undisturbing.

"With all submissiveness" refers to obedience and knowing when to speak and when not to speak. Ultimately we are in submission to God, trusting that he is in control. Coming back from the previous post, remember that the woman trusts her God. Therefore, she does not have to jump up from her seat immediately when a man says something that she doesn't like. She does not have to respond in anger or frustration or control when those to whom she is submitting are not doing what they need to be doing. Yes, there is a time and a place for humble and gentle correction, but I think as women so often we are quick to respond in the moment. No one is doing anything, so I'll step up and do it, even if it's not mine to do. We want to see God's glory proclaimed to the world, but we'd rather do it our way.

We went to see the movie Courageous recently, and we were commenting on the end where the main character is making an appeal to the men to stand up. My friend mentioned that the sequel to Courageous should be called Submission with the question "Where are you women of submission?   Stand up...No... Sit down!" It made me laugh, but seriously, as women, we are so eager and ready to respond and do whatever we think is necessary, that in many ways, we may be taking over what God has rightly given the man to do. Instead of responding to the situation in the moment, shouldn't we rather seek the Lord in prayer asking what is his calling for in this moment?

That follows the next statement from Paul, which we so often want to dismiss as cultural. But what he says here is "but to teach, for a woman, I do not entrust." The main teaching office of the church is entrusted to the man. He is the one who is to teach and have authority over the church, the body of believers. It is a huge responsibility. It has been entrusted to the men to build the church. The twelve disciples were all men. Though there were women who followed Jesus and had very important roles in the church, the men were entrusted with that task of authority.

A very forceful debate is taking place in contemporary circles that this text was culturally specific and not applicable to today. As I've been studying these passages and the history of the church over the past six months, more and more, I'm understanding that our culture is outside of the biblical norm, and we are letting the culture dictate the organization of the church rather than allow the Bible to be our sole authority.

But, many say, women have rights too. Yes, we do, but we have to remember that the Christian life is not about rights; it's a call to come and die. We submit ourselves to God allowing his guidance to be our supreme authority. I submit to God when I surrender my life and my "rights" to Him and follow in obedience. Just because I am capable of leading a church does not mean that I should. And in surrender, we find our true lives.

I don't believe this passage excludes women from all teaching ministries because other passages like Titus 2 and Priscilla and Aquila teaching Apollos demonstrate otherwise. However, the main authority of the church is for the men to lead. And I want to do whatever I can to "help" the men, to be an azar, whether I am single or married. My role may not ever be seen, and no one may ever know what I do to help in the building and the edification of the body, but my significance comes from my obedience to the call of Christ, not from what the world sees and approves of.

And I want to trust God. Therefore, I do not have to usurp roles that are not entrusted to me in order to make something happen that the all powerful, completely sovereign God will do. I want to trust God. And I pray that He will raise up men to lead his church and to go out in the fields which are white unto the harvest. And I pray for more women who will trust God and do whatever we can to help the men be who God has called them to be. Let us seek God's glory, obeying His call, living life His way.

Reflections on 1 Timothy 2:8-10

" I desire then that in every place the men should pray lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pears or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness-with good works."

Another one of Paul's hard passages. We'll get to the hard part soon. It's so easy to just dismiss this one as cultural, but I'm convinced that we can't simply push this one aside. Why? Because of the verses that come just before this passage: "For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus who gave himself as a ransom for all, which is the testimony given at the proper time..." (5-6). The way we conduct ourselves, our relationships with other people, I am convinced have a significant impact on the spreading of the gospel. Not only that, but we need the gospel in how we conduct ourselves and in how we relate to other people. The reality of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ is the greatest picture of love that the world has ever known, but most of the world doesn't know it.

So our prayers from verse 1 and all that is involved in that are pleasing in the sight of God who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth (4). Therefore or As a result of these things, men should pray (8)

Likewise, women should adorn themselves. What does adorning ourselves have to do with prayer? Well, I think Paul expects us to pray as well. But he's focused on our manner of doing so. Men are to pray without anger and quarreling. In this manner of conduct, they show their trust in God. Women adorn themselves in respectable or suitably attractive apparel, with modesty and self-control (9).

Modesty. People have been talking about it for 2,000 years. In my research on the church fathers these days, I'm constantly coming across things written by the church fathers on modesty and women's clothing. Nothing much has changed. It's still an issue because men still have a problem with lust, and women still strongly desire attraction and approval from the opposite sex. What Paul has to say here is still important today.

We are to adorn ourselves as women modestly, but also with self-control. This word here means basically a soundness of mind, a command over the passions and desires, ability to act sensibly, to use sound and good judgment.

All of these things come from a woman who has her heart set on God. He is her desire. She trusts in him. Therefore, she is not moved by the need to seek out a false kind of approval from men by the way she dresses, and she doesn't freak out when she's not getting what she wants. She is content with her place in life: she's a woman who is content with her God who will provide for all her needs. That's the kind of woman I want to be and still so often fall short of.

Reflections on Genesis: Part 2 Creation of Man and Woman

"And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, 'You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.' Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him'"

Throughout this passage, I am so completely struck by God's active involvement in the whole intricate process of the creation of man and woman. There is so much by the way of design in Genesis 2.

First, God is One who causes the trees to spring up in the midst of the garden. That includes the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And according to Verse 9 that tree was pleasant to the sight and good for food. Except for Verse 16, that God said No.

At this point, there is only the man. The command was given to the man. The text is clear that God commanded the man. Most understand this passage as demonstrating God's order that men were designed to be in control and leading and guiding others. Adam was responsible for guiding and protecting Eve who would come to him later.

Also, at this point, what did Adam understand of good and evil? He hadn't eaten from the tree yet, so did he know what was good or evil? I think that Adam knew that his every good was found in God. When God made the statement, "It is not good that the man should be alone," Adam looked to God for the definition of good. He trusted that what God said wasn't good, wasn't good. He did not seek a definition for good outside of God. So often today, however, we seek our definition of good in ourselves rather than in God and what He says. We must remember that the ultimate good is found in God, and what He says about our lives is the only thing we need.

So, we're back to God's statement about it not being good that man should be alone. Here's one of the things that I love about this passage! Did God tell the man, "Ok, now go do something about it?" No. In fact, did God even rectify the situation at that moment? No! God had a task for Adam to do first. And the Bible gives us no indication of how long that task took. Considering that Adam gave names to all of the animals in the world, and that the hiphil verb showing God's causative action demonstrates that God brought the animals to Adam, it may have taken a long time. God works in His own timing to ordain what He wills. God said that it wasn't good for man to be alone. But God also defined when and where He would order that situation.

We so often don't see the element of time in scriptures. We think that everything is supposed to come right now. If something's wrong, we want it fixed now. But that's not how God rolls. It is his world. He gave Adam a task to do. And possibly, as he brings those animals to Adam, Adam is thinking back to what God said. Everything Adam knows is good except this one thing. What is this thing called "not good"? Adam sees all of the animals and possibly he gets the sense of that desire for the missing thing. We don't know. But instead of trying to find it of His own accord (which is what happens in Chapter 3), he waits for God to do it in His timing.

And God does it. In his own unique way, He creates the woman differently from how He creates the man. The Hebrew uses the word "formed" when He created the man, as though forming pottery or fashioning from the dust. But with the woman, he "builds" her from the rib of the man. He took special care in fashioning the woman. There is something inside of me that just rests with satisfaction in God's care for women. We were meant to be cherished and taken care of. Maybe that's why at my core, I have such a deep desire for that very thing because we were made in that way with that design. God built me uniquely, differently, but just as valuably as the man. But we are different. Gloriously different.

And God brought (hiphil verb again demonstrating God's causative action) the woman to the man, as a helper corresponding to the man. And Adam's response demonstrates that there had been some waiting going on. "At last."

As I read this passage, my heart rejoices in God, in who He is and the way that He works. Desires are there and demonstrate our understanding of something that is not good, something that seems to be lacking. We were created to be a certain way. And as a result of the events in Genesis 3, we are not what we should be. But I am encouraged to keep my eyes focused on God. He is the One who fulfills His purposes for me. I don't have to try to be someone I'm not or do what I'm not commanded to do so as to order my life the way that I think it should be. Because ultimately, the gospel makes up for every lack that I experience in life. Every thirst that I have is fulfilled when I cast my eyes on Jesus Christ and see Him as the living water. When I desire deeply, I'm able to drink deeply of the living water and know Him like never before. Allow our desires, everything that we were created to be, lead us closer and more deeply to Him "who has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted" (Is. 53:4). But out of His great love, He knows. He's there and His love is deep and more satisfying than anything on this earth.

"When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none,
and their tongue is parched with thirst,
  I the LORD will answer them;
I the God of Israel will not forsake them.
   I wil open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys.
I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.
  I will put in the wilderness the cedar, the acacia, the myrtle, and the olive.
I will set in the desert the cypress, the plane and the pine together,
that they may see and know, may consider and understand together,
that the hand of the LORD has done this,
the Holy One of Israel has created it."  Isaiah 41:17-20 (italics mine)

Reflections of Genesis: Part 1

"Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.' So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:26-27

These verses in Genesis give a very insightful introduction to who we are according to God's design. First, every person we meet every day is created in the image of God. To speak of biblical manhood and womanhood is essentially a discussion of biblical humanity and the glorious fact that we were created, man and woman, in the image of God. The value and dignity that I have as a human cannot be denied. The spark of the divine is marked on every individual.

Even though the image of God has been marred by sin, it's still there. Part of Jesus' coming to earth was to restore God's image to its fullness in our lives. We know that fullness when we live out who we were created to be as God designed and live in love and community towards others. I wish I could say that I always live up to God's design in my life, but my own sin and selfishness so often causes me to fall short.

Secondly, man and woman were created in God's image. The first man and woman were created equally in God's image. The first man and woman were blessed and then commanded with five imperatives to be fruitful, become many, fill the earth, subdue it, and have dominion over the living things. These commands, in one sense, are a call to greatness and power. Why do we desire those qualities so much? Because we were created to be that way. The only problem is that we attempt to accomplish these things of our own will and understanding rather than seeking out God's way. The sin of pride and selfishness is an attempt to order the world according to our standards, to control life according to what we want. Mainly because we think we find satisfaction in it. We desire power and greatness because with it we think we can do whatever we like. We have distorted God's picture of true greatness by seeking it in ourselves. In every one of those commands, the fulfillment of those commands would not have been possible unless God were actively involved. He was the one who opened up Eve's womb and gave them wisdom and authority to fill the earth and to subdue it. True greatness comes from God's designation of how He orders our lives, and it is ultimately found in what He says about us.

Thirdly, they were given these commands together. The man and woman are to work together to obey God. The man with the main authority, but the woman just as important and necessary in the task to which God had called them. They are co-rulers. Elisabeth Elliot says "Men and women cannot and must not try to live life without reference to the opposite sex. They are interdependent and are meant to acknowledge and confront one another." We need each other. We were called to live together, to balance each other out. I hear frustrations so often of men who don't understand why women aren't acting like men... "why can't she just suck it up?, she starts crying at the drop of a hat," or women who complain that men are not women..."he just doesn't understand me, he never knows why I'm upset." We could go on and on about the complaints against each other. But ultimately, we need to let men be men and women be women... and let God be God who has designed us to love each other, work together, and seek Him as our everything.

The answer to how we live our lives is not found in a man or in a woman. But it is found in the One true God and true man Jesus Christ. Living our lives in the picture of the gospel, that he became a man, he loved us enough to give up His life for us "that we might be called the children of God, and so we are" (1 Jn 3:1). We look for our being in Him, and we seek to love others and help others as God has designed us to.

Approaching the Hard Passages of Scripture

In the past few months, my life has changed, as has the topic of many of my conversations. I'm in the middle of my first semester in the Ph.D. program in New Testament/Greek studies. I'm adjusting to a new way of thinking, a new way of studying, and new demands and expectations that are placed on me by both myself and others.

In the process, as I've wrestled with doing Ph.D., and as I still wrestle with the purpose of it, especially in being a woman in this program, God has led me to do some intense examination of scripture concerning what my role is according to the Bible. My biggest concern in pursuing a Ph.D. is whether I am being biblical, and I don't want to step outside God's design for women. I've discovered that many of the women in seminary have this same concern and question of What is God asking of me as a woman? This question has driven me to seek out answers from the scripture as I've heard a variety of perspectives and interpretations of how we are to live as women.

Over the next few weeks, I want to lay out some of the exegesis and teachings that I've learned from my own studies of the exegetical significance of the "hard passages" as well as from others' biblical interpretations.

One of the issues that has led me to this study, apart from developing obedience, has been the attitude with which many men and women approach the "hard passages" of scripture concerning women. Even at a conservative seminary like the one I attend, I often find men afraid to make definitive claims that scripture defines women's roles in submission to men. Others who have heard men make these claims have labeled them as women-haters or culturally irrelevant.

But what if it's true? What if our culture has it wrong? What if we are attempting to accomplish God's plan in our way by ignoring scriptural universals and as a result, we are failing at truly understanding the gospel.

The gospel is the main thing in this discussion over these issues. The gospel is not some side-lined issue irrelevant to biblical manhood and womanhood; it is the very heart. The gospel says, "Not my will, but thine be done." The gospel surrenders all for the sake of God's glory among the nations and the redemption of mankind. The gospel demands that we take up our cross and follow Jesus, whatever that might mean. And the gospel invites us to do it God's way. Because there is no other way.

As we embrace the gospel, we surrender to God our dreams and our demands for how our lives look, and we hand over to him the pen of our story, allowing Him to fill in the pages with His Story. And His Story is the one that I want. So let us approach the text with gospel-centered lenses: that God's way is hard and demands my everything, whatever that might mean. So as we examine these passages over the next few weeks, my hope is that I draw closer to Jesus and am transformed more into His image knowing that as I release my hold on the world and its dictates for my life, I gain truth, the living water, and, ultimately, Jesus. He's all I ever wanted anyway.

Learning to Live in Today

"For I know that this for me will turn out resulting in deliverance because of your prayers and provision of the spirit of Jesus Christ according to my eager expectation and my hope that in nothing will I be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always even now, Christ will be magnified by my body whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain. But if to live in the flesh, this to me is fruitful for labor, yet which shall I choose, I do not know." Philippians 1:19-22

At the end of Philippians 1, it's interesting how Paul speaks of his life and his death in positive anticipation. It's as though he's trying to choose between two equally wonderful desserts: brownie a la mode or praline cheesecake.  Looking at it from a less gospel-centered perspective, his two options seem really not as good. He can either remain alive and in prison or he will die. But Paul sees the world through gospel-shaded glasses. His own self-devoted life has faded away into a passionate pursuit of the gospel. To continue living is Christ with love abounding more and more with knowledge and discernment. Yet to die is far greater gain.

Though I may not be at the threshhold of death as Paul was, I think we do constantly face the choice of how we choose to live. Do I see every circumstance that comes my way as an opportunity for the gospel to shine through? Do I see every day, every moment, as "Christ"? To live is Christ.

Life consists of seasons. Seasons of fun, seasons of hard work, seasons of pain, seasons of challenge, just to name a few. Sometimes God brings us to one season of life in His sovereign purpose, yet we try our darndest to get out of that season and into one that seems, on the outside, to be more comfortable, more enjoyable, more exactly what we think we want. And we miss out on what God wanted us to see in the season to which he had brought us. God brings us to different seasons, and there is a time to laugh and a time to cry. Each season has its purpose, and God has designed us to experience life to its fullness with all of the joy and the pain.
Paul was spending a season in prison, and while throughout Philippians we do see him praying for his release and urging others to pray for his release, we also see his contentment with his situation knowing that this was the place to which God had brought him and God has a reason for this place of ministry where He was...and he was in a ministry position whether he saw it as such or not. I'm sure he felt limited and probably sometimes useless wondering what his purpose was in this particular location. But we do not see as God sees.

In the past, many times, I have chosen not to see the world with gospel-shaded glasses. Instead, I've looked around me and thought to myself, "if only I had this, then I'd be happy, then people wouldn't bother me, then I wouldn't have any problems." I've seen myself and my comfort as the ultimate end to which everything and everyone else in the world must bow down. And so, sitting down with the people to whom God has brought me and the work to which he has called me, I've lifted my eyes and lusted for more, for something else, not seeing my current situation as "to live is Christ."

Over the past several months, God has been changing my attitude about these things as I've begun to see each place where God has brought me and each person to whom God has brought me as an opportunity for the gospel. Seasons change. We pass from a season of pain to a season of joy in the blink of an eye realizing that this is only a gift of God. Yet the season of pain was also a gift. May we never forget the joys found in the sorrows...still knowing that at the heart of joy is sorrow. Joy is because sorrow was. We cannot hold onto the joyful moments as though we live only for times of fun. But in the midst of God-given pleasure, we look to the cross, knowing that still the deepest longings of our soul are only satisfied there by the precious blood of the lamb slain for our sins.  The Lamb who traveled the painful way, the Via Dolorosa, toward the joy set before him. There is abundant joy in life, but we only know that joy when we know the truth of the cross.

A friend of mine has lent me a book by Horatius Bonar which speaks of the gospel: "In the cross there is salvation- no where else. No failure of this world's hopes can quench the hope which it reveals. It shines brightest in the evil day. In the day of darkening prospects, of thickening sorrows, of heavy burdens, of pressing cares- when friends depart, when riches fly away, when disease oppresses us, when poverty knocks at our door- then the cross shines out, and tells us of a light beyond the world's darkness, the Light of him who is the light of the world."

Life is filled with change, waves, seasons, the passing of time. Each is something to be enjoyed and thankful for as a gift from God, but we cannot go back. We cannot re-create those moments that brought so much joy to our lives in the past, and we don't exactly desire those moments that brought so much pain. But I am grateful for every moment. And I can see the shadow of the cross in every moment. Every person that we meet each day needs to be reminded of the cross. I need to be reminded of the cross and the truth that He who began a good work in me is carrying it on to completion. And He will be victorious.