"Love me, Love me with your whole heart... He wants it all today.
Serve me, serve me with your life now... He wants it all today.
Bow down, let go of your idols...He wants it all today..." Forever Jones
"And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." Deut. 8:3
If we didn't have a reason to give up our lives, we wouldn't do it. Unfortunately, pain so often becomes a moving force in our journey with God. When God humbles us, in whatever way he chooses to do so, it causes pain. It makes us look outside of ourselves for answers and it's part of His way of drawing us to Himself. It's so easy to get comfortable and think that we have it all together. Yet when we realize that we don't, maybe that's the point when God can actually do something with our messed up lives.
The discipline of God involves the mortification of our flesh. Sometimes God mortifies it for us. If there are things in our lives that we hold onto over and above God for our security and satisfaction, we can bet that God's not going to let us hold onto them for long.
I never realized how guilty I was of idolatry, until I discovered that there were things in my life of which I was not willing to let go. How often have I held onto things thinking that some form of satisfaction was to be found in those things rather than through the realization that the truest satisfaction and freedom is surrendering those things to the will of God and trusting Him to take care of my needs. The opposite of surrender is control, and with control come worry, anxiety, and unrest. I think if I can just control this situation or this person, then I can ensure my satisfaction and ultimately my happiness. Somewhere along the line-- maybe the Garden of Eden-- we thought there must be something better, something different that will improve my happiness. After all, God must not be giving me the best, and if God withholds something from me, then surely there's a way that I can circumvent His will and provide it for myself.
But he calls us to surrender. To let go of our idols. To put our trust in Him everyday, sometimes every hour, believing that He alone is the complete source of healing and provision. I can do absolutely nothing to bring about for myself something that God, in his providence, does not want me to have right now. Surrender is not always easy, but little by little, as the pain and anxiety are replaced with a confident peace in the true character of God, joy comes and with that, hope. Because "Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him." Prov. 30:5
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Learning what it means "to be"
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should BE holy and blameless before him." Eph. 1:3
"This is not about what you've done, but what's been done for you,
This is not about where you've been, but where your brokenness leads you to."
Tenth Avenue North
Over the past few months, one of the lessons I've been learning is how much I've built my value based upon what I do and not who I am. For so long, I've thought that to be accepted or appreciated or loved, by God and by others, I had to "do" things. For years I viewed my service to Him as something that would cause Him to accept me. My life has always been about "doing."
Over the past six months, God has been stripping me of things in which I placed my value, significance, and security. Things that I have held onto thinking that who I am was made up of these things. This stripping has been painful. I about lost it in the movie theater when watching the Dawn Treader and the part when Aslan begins to "undragon" Eustice (Actually, I cried more in the book because the movie didn't have much on that part). If God is going to transform us, He has to undragon us. He has to take away those things that we cling to and we find value and love in so that we can realize that He alone is all we ever need. It cuts to the core sometime, and the process is more painful than we could ever imagine, but the healing and power of God in those moments is far beyond anything else I've ever know. The silver that comes once the dross is removed is magnificent.
So a stripping has been taking place. God has removed from my life relationships that were a source of security and love and significance. God has removed one of my jobs in which I found a lot of significance and worth based on the things that I did. And now, God is taking away another job where I have worked for four years now. I have found security in this job and my working there made sense logically. But in my devotional time a few weeks ago, I sensed God's work, and His asking me, "If I asked you to give up one of your greatest sources of earthly security, would you do it?" The "undragoning" continues.
So here in this time of feeling open, vulnerable, and uncertain about where things are going and what's happening, there is the greatest sense of expectancy. When I am at the end of myself, all that can happen must come from God alone. And I am so overwhelmingly confident that this is from Him. He is the one that provides the love, the security, the significance, and the value that in many ways has been stripped from me in the sense that I am learning to be no longer about "doing." Life is about "being." The transformation taking place in me has changed how I see people. I see them now not about what they can "do" for me, but how I can see them and love them in the love that God has given me. When I get up in the morning, my prayer is how can I love someone today, not how can I get love from someone. Because as God heals my brokenness, he heals me to pass it on to others. He loves me that I may love Him more and be overflowing in my love to others. How cool is that?
"This is not about what you've done, but what's been done for you,
This is not about where you've been, but where your brokenness leads you to."
Tenth Avenue North
Over the past few months, one of the lessons I've been learning is how much I've built my value based upon what I do and not who I am. For so long, I've thought that to be accepted or appreciated or loved, by God and by others, I had to "do" things. For years I viewed my service to Him as something that would cause Him to accept me. My life has always been about "doing."
Over the past six months, God has been stripping me of things in which I placed my value, significance, and security. Things that I have held onto thinking that who I am was made up of these things. This stripping has been painful. I about lost it in the movie theater when watching the Dawn Treader and the part when Aslan begins to "undragon" Eustice (Actually, I cried more in the book because the movie didn't have much on that part). If God is going to transform us, He has to undragon us. He has to take away those things that we cling to and we find value and love in so that we can realize that He alone is all we ever need. It cuts to the core sometime, and the process is more painful than we could ever imagine, but the healing and power of God in those moments is far beyond anything else I've ever know. The silver that comes once the dross is removed is magnificent.
So a stripping has been taking place. God has removed from my life relationships that were a source of security and love and significance. God has removed one of my jobs in which I found a lot of significance and worth based on the things that I did. And now, God is taking away another job where I have worked for four years now. I have found security in this job and my working there made sense logically. But in my devotional time a few weeks ago, I sensed God's work, and His asking me, "If I asked you to give up one of your greatest sources of earthly security, would you do it?" The "undragoning" continues.
So here in this time of feeling open, vulnerable, and uncertain about where things are going and what's happening, there is the greatest sense of expectancy. When I am at the end of myself, all that can happen must come from God alone. And I am so overwhelmingly confident that this is from Him. He is the one that provides the love, the security, the significance, and the value that in many ways has been stripped from me in the sense that I am learning to be no longer about "doing." Life is about "being." The transformation taking place in me has changed how I see people. I see them now not about what they can "do" for me, but how I can see them and love them in the love that God has given me. When I get up in the morning, my prayer is how can I love someone today, not how can I get love from someone. Because as God heals my brokenness, he heals me to pass it on to others. He loves me that I may love Him more and be overflowing in my love to others. How cool is that?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Trust
"And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know,
in paths that they have now known I will guide them.
I will turn the darkness before them into light,
the rough places into level ground.
These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them..." Isaiah 42:16
"Cause I can't take this, I don't understand,
But after the rain the sun will shine and all will be made new again.
This is certain." - Jake Smith
How amazing it is when you trust. When God brings you to that point where you actually believe in His truth and His perfect love which casts out fear. He is God, and He is good, and He is victorious. As C.S. Lewis says, "All that you are, sins apart, is destined for utter satisfaction if you will let God have his good way."
"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!"
in paths that they have now known I will guide them.
I will turn the darkness before them into light,
the rough places into level ground.
These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them..." Isaiah 42:16
"Cause I can't take this, I don't understand,
But after the rain the sun will shine and all will be made new again.
This is certain." - Jake Smith
How amazing it is when you trust. When God brings you to that point where you actually believe in His truth and His perfect love which casts out fear. He is God, and He is good, and He is victorious. As C.S. Lewis says, "All that you are, sins apart, is destined for utter satisfaction if you will let God have his good way."
"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!"
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Steadfast
Steadfastness. This has been my life theme as of late. My heart is steadfast.
The ESV translates the word chesed as steadfast love. The steadfast love of the Lord endures forever. It is constant and continual, faithful and ever true. It does not change no matter what we do. I'm in need of that something constant in my life. God's love for us is steadfast, firm, fixed, unchanging. How is it that God doesn't have to choose to be faithful? It's just who He is. I do not understand this kind of love. But it's the source of everything good in my life. And by good, I'm not referring to anything tangible although it is the source of all tangible good in my life as well. But rather, just the good in my life. The peace and comfort, the joy and victory, all that He gives me especially when I most need it. This steadfast love is the reason that my heart can be steadfast even when the "storms" of life that I encounter try to knock me down. And some of these storms have been giving it their best.
Life has been crazy hectic lately. I have hardly had a chance to just sit down, and I was kind of embarrassed on Tuesday morning that I didn't even know who had won the Saints game the night before. I'm craving rest. Every free minute I get I spend in the word just to allow God to keep my soul on some sort of even keel. Steadfastness. My soul and my heart are steadfast. Though sometimes I do lose my focus, at some point everyday God continues to bring me to that steadfast place with him. The place where I'm reminded that all things are in his hand. That his divine power has given me everything I need for life and godliness through my knowledge of Him who called me by His own glory and goodness (2 Pet.1:4). That the riches of His grace are abundant and overflowing, and He will provide far beyond all I could ever think or imagine. Nothing surprises Him, nothing is too difficult for Him to handle, and everything that is going on in my life is because He wants it to be this way. He is not silent or uninvolved. He's quite active in every intricate aspect of our existence. So whatever has happened and all that is yet to come are completely under His sovereign control. And the One who controls and ordains these things is One whose very nature is love. How deep his love is for us. I wish I understood it more.
The ESV translates the word chesed as steadfast love. The steadfast love of the Lord endures forever. It is constant and continual, faithful and ever true. It does not change no matter what we do. I'm in need of that something constant in my life. God's love for us is steadfast, firm, fixed, unchanging. How is it that God doesn't have to choose to be faithful? It's just who He is. I do not understand this kind of love. But it's the source of everything good in my life. And by good, I'm not referring to anything tangible although it is the source of all tangible good in my life as well. But rather, just the good in my life. The peace and comfort, the joy and victory, all that He gives me especially when I most need it. This steadfast love is the reason that my heart can be steadfast even when the "storms" of life that I encounter try to knock me down. And some of these storms have been giving it their best.
Life has been crazy hectic lately. I have hardly had a chance to just sit down, and I was kind of embarrassed on Tuesday morning that I didn't even know who had won the Saints game the night before. I'm craving rest. Every free minute I get I spend in the word just to allow God to keep my soul on some sort of even keel. Steadfastness. My soul and my heart are steadfast. Though sometimes I do lose my focus, at some point everyday God continues to bring me to that steadfast place with him. The place where I'm reminded that all things are in his hand. That his divine power has given me everything I need for life and godliness through my knowledge of Him who called me by His own glory and goodness (2 Pet.1:4). That the riches of His grace are abundant and overflowing, and He will provide far beyond all I could ever think or imagine. Nothing surprises Him, nothing is too difficult for Him to handle, and everything that is going on in my life is because He wants it to be this way. He is not silent or uninvolved. He's quite active in every intricate aspect of our existence. So whatever has happened and all that is yet to come are completely under His sovereign control. And the One who controls and ordains these things is One whose very nature is love. How deep his love is for us. I wish I understood it more.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Conversations
Last week, some friends and I were running at Audubon Park. I noticed a group of ladies getting ready to run while I was waiting for my group. They were getting out of their Lexuses and SUVs and we actually finished running at the same time that they did. While walking back to our cars, Phyllis and I overheard them talking about their mileage and we started a conversation with them about marathon training because we had both done 9 miles that day. Phyllis told them I was training for a marathon in December, and one of them looked at me and asked, "Oh, are you doing Vancouver?" I smiled and said, "Um, no, Baton Rouge." Oh, the life of the wealthy. But they were very nice women, and they were very encouraging to me about running the marathon. I'm sure I'll see them at more races in the area, but probably not in Vancouver.
This week in C.S. Lewis, we were talking about Miracles. Just when I think I'm comfortable with my patterns of thinking, someone, usually the professor, will say something that blows what I think out of the water. Dr. Stewart asked if we consider too many things that happen in life to be miracles. I think I have. So often we define miracles as God's intervention in the world maybe because we see God intervening as doing something that would change the way the world works. A.K.A. would interfere with the laws of nature. But God is always at work. So much of what happens in the world, and the transformation that takes place in my own life is of his doing. There have been many times where I've said, "This will not happen unless God does it." And when it actually did happen, I was surprised and I thought it was a miracle. I guess because I didn't expect God to work in that way.
But maybe, all along, God "interfering" with us and with our lives is a so-called law of nature. Maybe it's not a miracle, but just the way that God works. He works in us and through us, changing us and transforming us. So many things that I see would not have come about unless God did it. And he did it. But it doesn't mean that it's a miracle. So what is a miracle?
This week in C.S. Lewis, we were talking about Miracles. Just when I think I'm comfortable with my patterns of thinking, someone, usually the professor, will say something that blows what I think out of the water. Dr. Stewart asked if we consider too many things that happen in life to be miracles. I think I have. So often we define miracles as God's intervention in the world maybe because we see God intervening as doing something that would change the way the world works. A.K.A. would interfere with the laws of nature. But God is always at work. So much of what happens in the world, and the transformation that takes place in my own life is of his doing. There have been many times where I've said, "This will not happen unless God does it." And when it actually did happen, I was surprised and I thought it was a miracle. I guess because I didn't expect God to work in that way.
But maybe, all along, God "interfering" with us and with our lives is a so-called law of nature. Maybe it's not a miracle, but just the way that God works. He works in us and through us, changing us and transforming us. So many things that I see would not have come about unless God did it. And he did it. But it doesn't mean that it's a miracle. So what is a miracle?
Monday, September 6, 2010
Transitional Times
This weekend my friend and I traveled through four states to get to a wedding for my former roommate Cristina and her now husband Bryce. It was a beautiful wedding; the best parts were seeing Bryce's face as Cristina came down the aisle and also hearing them choke their way through their vows. All in all, it was a wedding filled with glory at just how amazing and divinely orchestrated life is. Their lives have been a testimony to me in the past two years, and it's been so beautiful to get to be a witness of the journey that God has brought them through. For the two of them, it hasn't been an easy road. It's been a long time in coming and a long journey for them both, and even still, they have a long way to go, but we serve an ever faithful God who cares deeply about us through all our journeys in life.
Life is hard sometimes. So often, especially these days, I feel my weaknesses invade, and my heart gets down. Even in the midst of sadness, something happens each day when God reminds me of His love and His care. The writer of Lamentations really seemed to get it when he says "Your mercies are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness." Mornings have been a difficult time for me lately, and I'm not sure why exactly. I wake up with a heavy heart each morning, and I have to re-align myself with a fresh understanding of who God is and that my life is hidden in Him.
And every morning, this is my hope: "The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.' The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD." Lamentations 3:22-26.
Life is hard sometimes. So often, especially these days, I feel my weaknesses invade, and my heart gets down. Even in the midst of sadness, something happens each day when God reminds me of His love and His care. The writer of Lamentations really seemed to get it when he says "Your mercies are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness." Mornings have been a difficult time for me lately, and I'm not sure why exactly. I wake up with a heavy heart each morning, and I have to re-align myself with a fresh understanding of who God is and that my life is hidden in Him.
And every morning, this is my hope: "The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.' The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD." Lamentations 3:22-26.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
What I learned from SkyDiving
"In him [Jesus] was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:4-5
So the day came. I was terrified before I got on that plane, and I kept thinking "What the heck am I doing?" But during the ride up in the air, I was surprisingly calm. I think I realized that this was going to happen whether I liked it or not and there really was no turning back because the instructor was going whether I wanted to or not.
Yes, Skydiving was a thrill, an adrenaline rush. But eventually the freefall ends (way sooner than I wanted it to. When did 60 seconds go by so fast?), and you find yourself back to the everyday life. If my life is merely chasing one thrill or one pleasure after another, I will never find complete satisfaction in anything. My life does not consist of the things that I amass in this world, the experiences that I have, the places that I go, or even the relationships that I maintain. These things are incredibly important to me, but rather, the ultimate life is found in Jesus Christ.
God knows I love adventure and trying new things. I love people, and I long for strong and lasting relationships. God has given me those passions and desires, but, ultimately, my every desire and my every passion must first of all have their foundation in Him, or they will not satisfy. They were not created to satisfy the longing in our souls. There is only One who can.
But even still . . . skydiving was totally fun!
I had been wanting to go skydiving for several months. Throughout the summer, I planned on doing it for my birthday, but I wasn't really sure that I would follow through with it.
So the day came. I was terrified before I got on that plane, and I kept thinking "What the heck am I doing?" But during the ride up in the air, I was surprisingly calm. I think I realized that this was going to happen whether I liked it or not and there really was no turning back because the instructor was going whether I wanted to or not.
So I did it, and yes it was fun. Really scary, yes, but fun.
Afterward, after the adrenaline had worn off and I was driving back home, I got to thinking. For one thing, I thought, "What the heck was I thinking?" But then as everything else that I had put off dealing with came back into my life in waves, I realized something. My life is not about a series of events or thrills. It is not skydiving that gives me the abundant life that I so desperately long for. Nothing I desire in this world -not relationships, job security, education, adventures - makes my life worth living. Even though they are good desires, my life cannot be found in any of those things. They will never give me total fulfillment or satisfaction, and if I expect them to, I'm only setting myself up for a painful failure.
Yes, Skydiving was a thrill, an adrenaline rush. But eventually the freefall ends (way sooner than I wanted it to. When did 60 seconds go by so fast?), and you find yourself back to the everyday life. If my life is merely chasing one thrill or one pleasure after another, I will never find complete satisfaction in anything. My life does not consist of the things that I amass in this world, the experiences that I have, the places that I go, or even the relationships that I maintain. These things are incredibly important to me, but rather, the ultimate life is found in Jesus Christ.
God knows I love adventure and trying new things. I love people, and I long for strong and lasting relationships. God has given me those passions and desires, but, ultimately, my every desire and my every passion must first of all have their foundation in Him, or they will not satisfy. They were not created to satisfy the longing in our souls. There is only One who can.
But even still . . . skydiving was totally fun!
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